Love Protects

    I am on day 23 of The Love Dare. I wish I knew how I had allowed myself to get so far behind. Still, I am happy that I am still working at it. In the past, I would have just given up. It's got to be "a God thing" that is keeping me moving forward on this.

    The title for today's Dare is "Love Always Protects". My first thought after reading the tile was, "Well, this should be easy to do!" I was thinking about physical protection.

    Should have known that was not what the authors meant!

    The reading talks about different things that can cause problems in a marriage, things that can come in and destroy without either spouse even realizing what is happening. There are four things that the book warns to be on guard about: Harmful Influences, Unhealthy Relationships, Shame, and Parasites. After rreading it, there is one that I can see creeping up into my marriage. It is something that my husband and I have talked about, something that I believe I have mentioned once or twice already in this blog. It is something that I am still struggling with daily. That would be Harmful Influences.

    The specific influence that I can see harming my marriage is the computer. Oh, I could sit here and say how much better I am than some people. I don't look at pornographic websites, I don't gamble, and I don't spend all of my time in chats. That doesn't matter, though. Even though there are worse things that I could be doing on the computer, the things that I am doing can cause a problem. I'm getting better, though. This week has been a good one. I've gotten a lot of work done on some projects for the ladies group at my church. That is an awesome thing. And I have been getting some personal writing in.

    Still, I've been finding time to play games on Facebook. It's a struggle to ignore them. Maybe if I didn't log onto Facebook in the first place…. The problem there is that I promote my blogs on there all the time, and I keep in touch with other writer friends on Facebook. I'm working to stay away from the games when my family is all home, though. I want to pay more attention to them than to the computer in the evenings.

Off Day

Today was not my best day, Love Dare wise.

One of the weekend challenges was to set aside time to spend in Bible reading. I did that, no problem. Well, maybe with a little problem. My sons were home from school, so finding a quiet moment was not easy. This year, I've been using the One Year Bible (oneyearbibleonline.com) to read through the New Living Translation of the Bible. I had to break up my Bible time into two segments so that I could get it all read. But I read it! And to tell you the truth, I am really enjoying it. I am learning new and unexpected things. Today, I read in Matthew 12:39-40. Jesus compared himself to Jonah. I'd never thought of that before, how both of them were in a dark place for three days before walking out.

No, the problem I had today was keeping up with the very first day of The Love Dare. Do you remember what that challenge was? To say nothing negative to your spouse. I've worked hard to keep negative words out of my mouth and negative thoughts out of my head. Today, though, I let some negative slip out. OK, so maybe it wasn't too bad. And maybe my anger was justifiable. That still doesn't make the negativity OK.

I've spent today home with the kids. We didn't go anywhere, just stayed here playing and watching TV. While the kids played, I did some work. I've been working on a novel that I want to have finished by March and some projects for the ladies group at my church. In between, I did some housework and started cooking dinner. But when my husband came home from work, he noticed the things that were not done. I felt like I had done a lot, and then his words changed that. I felt like I had wasted the day, at least in his eyes. And I told him that I hate it when he comes home like that. I snapped at him once or twice when he asked why something wasn't done. Not the right way to handle it, but it is the way I handled things.

Of course, that was a lot better than how I would have handled the situation before I started on The Love Dare. I probably would have been more rude in what I said to him and yelled a bit more. So I guess that does mean I am making progress.

Jesus is LOVE

    Day 19 and Day 20 of The Love Dare tie in nicely together. I think these were probably the easiest ones yet, especially day 20. Why? Because the challenge is to acknowledge the love of Christ and accept His love into your life.

    Acknowledging His love is something that I did years ago. I can point to a lot of things—my mother's cancer, being robbed at gun-point at age 6, meningitis, my 3-month=old son's hospitalization with RSV, a miscarriage, financial troubles, to name just a few—that I could never have lived through without His love. There are so many places where my family could have been torn apart. But the love of Christ—the love He has for us and the love He has given us to share—have brought us closer together. That loved has proved over and over again that life is worth living.

    Accepting His love—that is something that I am still learning to do. Oh, I have asked Jesus into my heart. I know that He is with me and that He has forgiven my sins. I know that He will forgive sins in the future and that He will help lead me away from sin. But I don't think that His love is a one-time only gift. I think it is something that I need to accept every morning.

    "Lord, today is a gift from You. Thank You for it. Please be with me today. Cover me with Your endless love. Help me to show that unconditional love to everyone I meet, especially to those I don't think deserve it. I don't deserve Your love, but I have it. Thank You for loving me even when I am unlovable. I'll never be worthy of all You have done."

    I'll be the first to admit that I am NOT a perfect person. This past week, I've had more moments than I can count where I have felt my less-than-perfection. I am not a good enough wife or a good enough mother. I am certainly not a good enough daughter. My husband, sons, and parents deserve much better.

    The good news? With Christ, they can get that! I don't mean by them accepting Christ into their lives, either. That is between them and Him. But if I consciously seek and accept Christ's love into my heart, He will give me a heart that I can be proud to give back to my family. Christ loves me. He loves me enough that He died for me. He loves me enough that He hasn't given up on me, though I have given up on myself more than once! With His love in me, I can be what my family needs and so much more.

    Thank You, Jesus, for this love.

Need Prayer

    All of this work that I am putting into making my marriage better and I feel like I blew it all with one little mistake. I could really use your prayers throughout the day.

    Finances are a problem for a lot of people. The trouble that I have is when a money problem pops up I try to solve it myself. It's hard for me to share with my husband when bills are behind or there is no money to do something that needs to be done. I have a bad habit of trying to fix it on my own and not telling my husband until I have to.

    This morning, I had to call him about a problem. I was shaking as I called. I braced myself to be yelled at. While he was mad about it, he surprised me by saying this is our fault, not all mine. He didn't yell at all. He did let me know that he is not pleased and very concerned about this. But he also said that he knows we can work through this together.

    In some ways, that made me feel worse. I am sure that is satan trying to bring me down. My husband works hard for our family, and I feel like a failure for not being able to help out much.

    My cousin sent me this verse this morning. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear!! Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philip 4.6-7)

 
 

Setting Some Ground Rules

My husband and I have had our fair of fights. Sometimes, I think we have had more than our fair share. If you are married, I am sure you have felt the same way. Depressing as it may sound, there is no such thing as a conflict-free marriage.

 

One aspect of the wedding ceremony seems a bit misleading. I remember watching as my mother and my soon-to-be mother-in-law each lit a tall white candle. Later on, after vowing to love one another forever, my husband and I each took one of those candles in hand, and together we lit the larger center candle. When it was lit, we carefully blew out the candles out mothers had lit. The unity candle is a symbol of two lives becoming one. The misleading part, I think, is when the two single candles are blown out. Sure, the husband and wife are now one, but they still have distinct personalities. At times, those personalities combine to make a bright light in the dark. At other times, those personalities clash, making a fire that can consume anything in its path!

 

Married life would be a lot easier if couples understood that fighting is a normal part of life. Even more important, though, is that there is a proper way to fight. Discovering what that proper way is for your own marriage is important. That is what day 13 of The Love Dare is about.

 

I'll be honest—I sort of just skimmed over this one when I originally read it. My husband and I have not been fighting much lately. When we have had a disagreement, we have discussed it calmly. So I really didn't want to think about fights at all. When I read this dare, I did talk to my husband about it. The challenge is to sit down with your spouse and make a list of rules for fighting. He sort of shrugged and said it was something that he thought we should do, when we had the time. I read the basic rules that are included with this dare and decided that I would go by them; whether my husband did or not was up to him.

 

Last night after the kids were in bed we finally had a chance to sit and talk about it. We agreed that the rules in the book will work out well for us. The number one rule—DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! Keeping that in mind, we know that we will find a solution—or at least a compromise—for our argument. And by inviting God to be with us as we discuss our problems, we know that the end of the argument will eventually bring us closer together.

Seek to Understand

    The title of day 18 of The Love Dare is "Love Seeks to Understand". I really like the way that the relationship between husband and wife is described here. Page 87 of the book says: "Consider the following perspective: if the amount you studied your spouse before marriage were equal to a high school diploma, then you should continue to learn about your mate until you gain a 'college degree', a 'master's degree', and ultimately a 'doctorate degree'." Life is a long learning process, and so is a marriage. If we knew every little thing there is to know about the one we married, life would be pretty boring.

    The sad thing for me, though, is that I have to admit I don't know a whole lot about my husband. There are three questions written in this chapter that I cannot answer. I don't know my husband's greatest hopes and dreams. I do not understand how he prefers to give and receive love (perhaps if I did, this marriage would be a lot easier!). And his fears? No idea. I could guess, I think, but I don't know that I would be right.

    How can we expect our marriage to survive—let alone thrive—if we are just two strangers living under one roof, sharing the same bed, and parenting the same children?

    The challenge in this dare is to plan an evening for just the two of us where we can talk about some of these things. In the end of the book, there are 10 personal questions and 10 marital questions the authors suggest be used for this evening. The questions at least give a starting place for our conversation.

    Finding time to do that is a problem, though. Life is busy. Take yesterday, for example. Yesterday I started my new job babysitting my infant nephew. After he left, I spent time doing some laundry (a never-ending task for a family of five!) and straightening up the house. I can't tell you how many times I sat down at the computer to write only to be sidetracked by a phone call or an email or the kids. When my husband got home from work, he went outside to wait for our pastor to get here. A belt had broke on the van, and my husband didn't know how to repair it. He's never been much of a "fix it" kind of man, but he is trying. I was very proud of him for braving the below freezing temperatures to not only keep Pastor Clive company while he fixed the van, but to also help out and learn how to do repairs on his own. When the repair was finished, my man came inside to clean up. I poured him something to drink and warmed up some dinner for him (he asked that I not make the kids wait to eat, as he didn't know how long he would be outside). He was freezing and settled into his Lazy Boy chair after he ate with a blanket over him, trying to warm up before bed. By 7, he was drifting off to sleep.

    Tonight is Cub Scouts night. He is the Den Leader for our 6-year-old sons den, so he has to go to that. And tomorrow he leads a Bible study at the church. So I can't just sit here and wait for him to be able to finish this portion of The Love Dare. I think I know what I will do, though. I am considering typing up the questions from the book and emailing them to my husband. Not only do I want him to answer them when he can, I want to answer them myself. That way, when we have a chance to have quiet evening without chores or kids or car repairs or meetings, we can talk over them. It will be good for us to know each other better and to understand each other more.

A Prayer

Father God,

    I thank You today for the blessing of my husband. There was a time when I didn't think we would ever get to our first wedding anniversary, let alone our tenth. At one point, I didn't think we would actually get married. I was ready to give up and walk away. In fact, I did that once. I thank You for giving me the strength and wisdom to come back to him. He was definitely worth waiting for. You knew that even when I didn't. Thank You for not letting me give up on him.

    Thank You also for not letting him give up on me. I know that being married to me can't be an easy thing. With the illnesses and surgeries and moments of depression I have gone through in the past ten years, he had plenty of chances, reasons, and opportunities to walk away from me. Thank You, Lord, for making our love for each other strong enough that we could see the trials and troubles were worth working through.

    Lord, I pray for Your blessings on my husband today. Help him to feel close to You, and to do Your will in everything he faces. Be with him as he plays with our children and interacts with the other men from the church. Let Your love shine through all that he does.

    I ask also that you bless his hands as he works this week. He works hard for our family, and I appreciate that more than I can ever tell him. Help him as he goes into the factory every morning. Let Your love shine through him, so that his co-workers can see the peace and joy You have placed in his heart.

    Father, I thank You again for bringing him into my life. I know I am not perfect, he is not perfect, and our marriage is not perfect. But we are perfect for each other because You created us to perfectly compliment one another. Help us both to put You first and each other second no matter what we do.

    In the precious name of Jesus I pray, Lord. Amen