Setting Some Ground Rules

My husband and I have had our fair of fights. Sometimes, I think we have had more than our fair share. If you are married, I am sure you have felt the same way. Depressing as it may sound, there is no such thing as a conflict-free marriage.

 

One aspect of the wedding ceremony seems a bit misleading. I remember watching as my mother and my soon-to-be mother-in-law each lit a tall white candle. Later on, after vowing to love one another forever, my husband and I each took one of those candles in hand, and together we lit the larger center candle. When it was lit, we carefully blew out the candles out mothers had lit. The unity candle is a symbol of two lives becoming one. The misleading part, I think, is when the two single candles are blown out. Sure, the husband and wife are now one, but they still have distinct personalities. At times, those personalities combine to make a bright light in the dark. At other times, those personalities clash, making a fire that can consume anything in its path!

 

Married life would be a lot easier if couples understood that fighting is a normal part of life. Even more important, though, is that there is a proper way to fight. Discovering what that proper way is for your own marriage is important. That is what day 13 of The Love Dare is about.

 

I'll be honest—I sort of just skimmed over this one when I originally read it. My husband and I have not been fighting much lately. When we have had a disagreement, we have discussed it calmly. So I really didn't want to think about fights at all. When I read this dare, I did talk to my husband about it. The challenge is to sit down with your spouse and make a list of rules for fighting. He sort of shrugged and said it was something that he thought we should do, when we had the time. I read the basic rules that are included with this dare and decided that I would go by them; whether my husband did or not was up to him.

 

Last night after the kids were in bed we finally had a chance to sit and talk about it. We agreed that the rules in the book will work out well for us. The number one rule—DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! Keeping that in mind, we know that we will find a solution—or at least a compromise—for our argument. And by inviting God to be with us as we discuss our problems, we know that the end of the argument will eventually bring us closer together.