Can We Talk?

Are there three more scary words a wife can hear from her husband than, "Can we talk?"

 

Yesterday morning, I sat at my laptop to get to work. When I opened it, a small piece of paper had stuck to the screen. I looked at it and say in my husband's handwriting, "Honey, can we talk tonight after the kids are in bed?" Immediately, my mind started racing. I went on the defensive—What did I do now? The night before our time alone didn't go quite as well as planned or hoped. I figured he was mad about that.

 

Great. Another fight about sex. Just what I need.

 

I had a lot to do yesterday. There wasn't time to stress and worry about what my husband might be upset about. My thought was actually, "I don't know why he is complaining. At least he got sex last night. So what if it wasn't mind-blowing? At least it was something!" Some men don't even get that. Heck, I have one friend who told me once her hubby is lucky to get it once every six months!

 

So the boys were in bed at 7 (fighting with each other and with Mom and Dad ended up with them all in bed an hour early). It was an agonizing hour, at least for me, until 8 pm rolled around and he was ready to talk. Part of me wanted to rush things, but I figured if he was the one who had something on his mind, I should let the conversation happen on his terms and in his timing.

 

When he did talk to me, it was not at all what I expected. He told me that he thinks I spend too much time playing around on Facebook (which, I suppose, he could be right about). He also said that it bothers him that Facebook seems more important to me than he is. I didn't know what to say back. Anything I said, I was afraid, would sound like an excuse or a defense for why I am on the computer so much. What really got to me, though, was when he said he could understand it if I was on the computer to write but that he had been "spying" on my Facebook activity through his account and knew that I was playing more than writing.

 

Thanks to The Love Dare, I didn't say anything back. I've work VERY hard to keep negative comments about him and his habits out of my vocabulary. As much as I wanted to snap at him that spying is wrong (all he had to do was ask, I wouldn't lie about what I've been doing on the computer), I didn't. I just kept my mouth shut, let him talk, and then went to bed.

 

This morning, I was not in much of a mood to do any Love Dare stuff. I mean, what's the point? I work on something, yet it is what I haven't done that he decides to "harp" on. Why work on showing him any love when I don't feel it in return? I don't feel much love at the moment and I don't feel like showing it. SO THERE!

 

But, I did open the book. And do you know what the first thing I read was? Here is the opening paragraph from Day Fourteen of The Love Dare:

 

One of the most important things you should learn on your Love Dare journey is that you should not just follow your heart. You should lead it. You don't let your feelings and emotions do the driving. You put them in the back seat and tell them where you are going.

 

OUCH!

 

As if that wasn't bad enough, I got to the challenge for the day. After reading it, I looked toward Heaven and said, "Lord, did you plan for me to read this today of all days?'

 

Here is what it says:

 

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he would love to do or a project he'd really like to work on. Just be together.

 

Once again, ouch!

 

I don't want to. Plain and simple, I do not want to do this one. Already I am giving up my quiet night alone to go to a Cub Scouts Pack Meeting with my husband and our boys. I am not in much of a mood to give up anything else.

 

SIGH.

 

But I guess I have to. I mean, I am supposed to be learning how to show unconditional love, right? And what can show that better than giving up what I'd like to do in order to spend time with a man who is frustrating me beyond belief?