What this is about

One of my favorite movies is Fireproof. It's not a perfect movie. Some of the dialogue is cheesy and the acting doesn't all flow well. That doesn't matter, though. It's the message in the story that is so wonderful. It's not something that is normally seen in a Hollywood film. It is the story of a rocky marriage, and the husband who is willing to do whatever he has to keep the marriage from dying. The message—that wedding vows should be taken seriously and not given up on easily—is one that more people need to hear. Shortly before my wedding, I told my husband-to-be that I intend to celebrate my 50^th wedding anniversary. He said he had the same goal.

Never would I have dreamed that barely ten years into our life together we would be facing some of the same problems as Caleb and Catherine.

Things have been shaky for a while. In 2005, we experienced a miscarriage. I think that is where the downturn really came in. My sex drive dropped unbelievably low—mostly out of fear of ever going through that same pain and heartache again. A past history of clinical depression reared its head. These two things combined to drive a wedge between us. Though I have never doubted my love for him, there have been times when I wondered about his love for me. And even though I knew—and I still know—that I love my husband, that he is the man that God created for me to love, and that my life would be nothing without him, we have had times when communication is a real issue. For the past week, it's been particularly bad. Still, it caught me off guard to see his wedding ring sitting on top of his dresser this morning.

There are things that I feel like I need from my marriage that my husband isn't providing. While thinking about those things, I realized that there are probably things he needs that I am not providing. I made the decision to work on myself, to study God's word and be the wife that God intends me to be. When I saw his ring—something that he has apologized for having to take off at work—sitting there, the need to get myself straightened out felt even more urgent.

In Fireproof, Caleb Holt used a book called The Love Dare to learn more about love and how to show his love to his wife. My husband and I bought that book. It's been sitting on a bookshelf, collecting dust. After we bought it, I tried to follow it. Caring for three children and other responsibilities got in the way. Because I had read part of it, I knew a little bit about what this Love Dare is all about. I know that two of the "dares" are to not say anything negative toward your spouse and to do something nice for him or her. So that is what I did yesterday. I didn't expect my "something nice" to be received so coolly. If he hadn't noticed, that would have been OK. But when he said that he didn't want me to hold it over his head that I had done something for him…. Well, to say that hurt would be an understatement. It was nearly enough to make me give up on this whole thing.

But I am not going to! Our marriage is worth fighting for. I am not going to just sit idly by and let it die. This morning, I pulled out the book and committed myself to completing all 40 days of The Love Dare. One suggestion in the book is to keep notes on how things have changed in the marriage and in yourself because of the actions you have taken in the dare. I wasn't sure where to keep these notes. That is where this blog comes in. Even if I am the only one who ever reads it, at least I can know that I have put my thoughts out there.

From start to finish, there are 40 days in the Love Dare. Today is my Day One. Keeping on track will have me finished on January 17. That is about 12 days before my 10^th wedding anniversary. Seems like a good anniversary gift.

For both of us.