Love Dare, Day four

Yesterday was a good day. For the first time in this Dare, I didn't have to bite my tongue to keep from saying something negative to my husband! Of course, I think that had more to do with the way he acted than the way I have been changing. He was attentive and loving—a big switch from what he was a week ago.

The Dare for yesterday was to contact him during the day. As I said, that is not something that I could do. He works in a factory and is not allowed personal phone calls at work. Someone suggested that I send him a special text message. I laughed at that—not because it was a bad suggestion but because texting would require him to have a cell phone. He doesn't. My husband doesn't see the need for one. I have one, a pay-as-you-go model. The only reason he agreed to that was so that I would have a number for potential agents and editors to reach me. Our oldest son is trying to convince me to get a phone for Daddy (excuse me, DAD; son is 8 now and too old call us Mommy and Daddy) for Christmas. Don't think I didn't consider it! But as I know he really won't use it, it seemed like a waste of money.

Instead of calling him, I sent him an email just to say I LOVE YOU. He seemed to really like that.

The book has the following question posted for yesterday's dare: "How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?" I spend A LOT of my day on the computer. There is no reason I can't send him a little love note or ecard once or twice a week. Probably not every day, though. I don't think that would really be helpful. It almost seems like a daily note or card would be more clingy and needy than anything. As for how this can be helpful, I am almost afraid my reasoning sounds selfish. In the course of my depression counseling, my therapist suggested that I make a list of things my husband could do to make me feel more loved and needed. If I want him to do little things for me, shouldn't I be doing them for him, too? Just a small, simple gesture of love can go a long way in showing hi m how I feel and how much I value him in my life. And it could help him to see ways that he can show love to me as well.

But I wonder—is it wrong for me to want to do it in hopes that he will do for me?

Honestly, I am not going through the Love Dare to get him to change. Sure, there are things that I want to change in my husband. Any woman who says there are not irritating things about her husband that she would change is probably lying! But that is not my reason for doing this. I am doing the Dare to change myself, to teach myself how to focus on someone other than just me. Looking back on the nearly 10 years of our marriage, I can see where he really has done more for me than I have him. Including the c-sections, I have had 6 surgeries throughout our marriage. The most recent surgery led to nearly 2 weeks in the hospital. My husband has had to take care of me and the kids when I've been unable to. He even works a job that he doesn't like, and managed to earn 2 college degrees in the last 4 years. And what have I done for him? I don't even know that I have thanked him for the things he has done. I am not sure that I have ever thanked him for the sacrifices he has made for our family. If that isn't selfish, I don't know what is.

Today's Dare is going to be another hard one. "Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him to be uncomfortable or irritated with you." OUCH! This one is gonna hurt. I don't take criticism well at all. He is working again today (mandatory overtime, which I am beyond grateful for). Looks like I will be spending a lot of time in prayer, preparing my heart to hear what irritating things my husband needs to share with me.