Recap of Day Five

The hardest part of this dare was asking my husband to point out my flaws. Hearing him list them was not a problem. Evben giving him the time he asked for to think about the ways I irritate him was not so bad. It was actually working up the courage to ask him to think about those irritating qualities that was hard.

No. That's not really true. It wasn't so much a matter of working up the courage as it was working on my heart. I needed to prepare my heart to hear his "complaints" without being hurt—and prepare my mind to hear without becoming defensive.

This could have been a disaster. Just a week ago, I would have laughed at even thinking about asking him to point out anything in me that is less than perfect; there is NO WAY I would have opened myself up for that kind of criticism. And if it was offered…well, I would not have listened to it very well!

I approached my husband very confidently after he was home from work on Saturday. He said he wanted to take a shower, and I said, "That's great. Would you be willing to think about something while you are showering?" Then I told him that I wanted to know three things about me that irritate him or make him uncomfortable. His eyes got wide, and he said slowly, "Are you sure want me to answer that?" I gave a sort of nervous giggle as I said, "Not really, but I think I need you to answer it." (Funny how the difference between "want" and "need" can be a painful kind of thing to admit!) He said he would, but wanted to take some time to think it over.

He waited until the boys were in bed before he gave me his answers. Let me tell you—it was NOT easy to not be defensive as I listened to the three things that bug him most about me!

My husband's Top Three Annoyances are—

I spend too much time playing games on the computer.

I am too judgmental about people.

I don't have a sense of humor.

OK, the first one I didn't have to be defensive about. It's not like I could really defend myself against that one. No defense for something that is true. I have been making a conscious effort, though, to not play games in the evening when he is here. If I am going to do something that annoys him, I figure I should do it when he is not home to be annoyed by it! Seriously, though, I am trying to limit my computer time. If I am working on the computer when he is home, I want it to be because I am actually working.

As for being judgmental…. OUCH. That one kind of hit home. I don't mean to be judgmental, but I suppose in a lot of ways I am. One of my cousins mentioned today that I was being too judgmental when I commented that one of our uncles doesn't seem to have a relationship with Christ. Honest, I was not trying to judge him. I was just expressing my concern about not only his physical health (doctors believe he is experiencing kidney failure), but also about his spiritual health. Maybe I just started my concerns wrong. I will have to work on that one.

As far as the sense of humor, I saw HA! I don't think the problem is so much that I am missing a sense of humor as that we find different things to be funny. Not real sure how we can work on that one.

The Dare for today is once again about me. "Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life." UGH!!! LOL Let me tell you, I much prefer the things where I have to do something tangible to demonstrate love to my husband. It hurts a lot less than looking at the problems in myself.