Day Three Breakthrough

Yesterday was a very interesting day. I was not expecting it to be much different from the days before. When I told my husband "I love you" before he left for work yesterday morning, he was response was less than encouraging. He looked at our sons, who were getting ready to head out to the bus stop, and said, "I love you all." He didn't look at me or sound like it was meant for me. I held my tears back while the boys were here. There is no point in getting the kids upset. My oldest son is 8, and he has been picking up on my level of depression a lot lately. If he saw me break down and cry, I don't think it would have been easy for him to leave me alone. So I put on the bravest face I could for the kids. Once the bus had picked them up, though, I squeezed my teddy bear and cried on his shoulder.

My Dare for yesterday was to buy something that showed I was thinking about my husband. Boy, I was really unsure how to do that. We don't have a lot of extra money. My husband is one of those who thinks a gift should be practical—his Christmas wish list often contains sock, underwear, and a scrapper for his truck. I wanted to be at least a little more romantic and thoughtful than that. What I came up with was a box of his favorite fresh chocolate chip cookies from the Wal-Mart bakery and a 2-liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. Maybe not spectacular, but at least I knew it was something that he would appreciate. I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it. I figured I would just break out the Dew with dinner and set the box of cookies on the table for dessert. I expected that it would not even be noticed.

What I completely did not expect was what my husband did.

He was late getting home from work. I assumed that was because of the snow and ice on the roads. And then when he went into his office and shut the door. I assumed that he was just trying to avoid me. Both assumptions were wrong.

When he came out of the office, he had a card, a candle, and a box of chocolates in his hands. He had written on the card, "Just wanted to say sorry for the way I have been treating you. Thank you for loving me, even when I don't make it easy for you."

WOW.

That was a huge shock. It lead to the two of us having dinner together and sitting up to talk after the kids went to sleep. It was a very nice discussion. We were able to talk about our problems, without yelling. We promised to be honest with one another. It seemed to work well. He put his wedding band back on. That's a good step. And I told him that I had started this blog. I even offered to take it down if it bothered him that I was being so public about our struggles. He said I should keep it going. Things are not perfect, not by any means. But at least we had a good night. We even cuddled close together before bed last night.

One of the things that we decided to do is get up early in the morning and start our day with each other and with God. Normally, he gets up at five to have his coffee and get ready for work and then I get up half an hour later to get the kids ready for school. I offered to get up early, share a cup of coffee, and some quiet time with him. On my book case, I had three different books about marriage, about learning to have a better marriage, one more like what God intends. I picked them up this summer at yard sales and thrift shops. (What can I say? I am a book junkie!) I suggested that we get those out and work through one of them together. The one we agreed on is "God's Little Devotional Book for Couples". I think he was surprised when I actually got out of bed with him this morning so that we could spend that time together.

This morning, after he went to work, I read day four in the Love Dare. The Dare for today will be hard, maybe even impossible, for me to do as written. I am supposed to contact him during the course of the day for no reason but to find out if there is anything I can do for him. He works in a factory, where personal phone calls are frowned upon. Sure, completing the Dare is important to me. But I don't know that I want to jeopardize his job to do it. Good thing I am creative. I'll have to come up with some way that I can show that I am thinking about him and I care about him, without interrupting his work schedule.