Day One

Well, Day One of my Love Dare is in the books. It could have gone better, but it could have gone a lot worse, too.

Yesterday's assignment—say nothing negative to my husband all day long—went well. I could easily have failed it. My husband didn't talk to me much at all, which was rather frustrating. I could have blown up at any time—and I have been known to do that in the past—but I didn't. Instead, I kept smiling. I don't want to let his actions, reactions, or lack thereof, keep me from doing what I need to do. I have to trust that as I am learning how to practice unconditional love, God will open up my hubby's heart to receive it.

Any conversations we had we started by me and most contained only one or two lines of dialogue from him. But we didn't fight! That is a positive thing.

My mother, my best friend, and my sister—when I told them about finding his wedding ring on the dresser—suggested that maybe he just left it at home rather than risk losing it from his pocket at work. That didn't sound right to me. I remember one time, about 2 or 3 years ago, when he was late coming home from work because he had left his ring in his work pants and tossed them into the laundry bin at work. He wouldn't leave until he had gone through everything in that bin and found the ring. Somehow, I didn't think it was just a protective measure. I watched him when he got home from work, to see if he would put the ring back on. He never did. Though he went to that dresser once or twice, he never came down with his wedding band on. I wanted to ask him about it. I didn't, though. Partly because of the Dare (I wasn't sure if I could ask and not have a negative word or two slip out) and partly because of my own ring.

I'll admit, I don't always wear my wedding and engagement rings. While I was pregnant with our oldest child, my hormones caused some sort of reaction with the metal in the rings. Well, with the metal in any jewelry, actually. I couldn't wear earrings or rings or necklaces. I'd keep my wedding band on a string around my neck. That didn't seem to bother me, and I had the ring with me all the time. Ever since then, though, I've had trouble when I have the rings on and get my hands wet. So I often take off my rings and place them either on the kitchen windowsill or on my desk while I do the dishes. Only, I don't always remember to slip them back on. In the past year, I've had a problem with my fingers swelling when I sleep. Again, I will take the rings off over night for comfort purposes, and then forget to put them back on in the morning. My husband has never said much about it. Once or twice, he has commented that maybe he shouldn't have spent that money on rings for me. It never really occurred to me that it might hurt him to know I wasn't wearing my rings. Seeing his ring on the dresser and then looking at his empty ring finger last night, I finally understood. If his heart feels even a fraction of the ache that mine does, I will never take the rings off again. I kept them on while I slept last night and while I showered. And guess what? My finger didn't fall off!!! I did slip the rings off long enough to dry my finger and dry the rings very well, but then I put them right back on. It might seem like a little thing, but I don't want to take them off if not wearing my rings will upset my husband.

The place where I feel like I struggled a little yesterday was when we were heading to bed. Here in mid-Michigan, our first snow storm of the year arrived last night. While we didn't get as much snow as many parts of the country did, it was very cold here. My hubby wrapped his blanket tight around him. I asked if he wanted to cuddle so we could keep warm. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." Then he turned his back to me. That hurt. I said, "I kind of figured that was going to be your answer." I didn't say it in a rude way, but I am still not sure if it counts as negative or not. He didn't say anything more. I just sighed and said, "I love you, good-night." He muttered something that sounded like it might have been "I love you". It wasn't very convincing, though. Still, if he said it, that must mean there is probably hope, right?

Today's part of the dare is going to be a bit harder: "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness." I have no idea how I am going to do this one. In our family, we have a kitchen cleaning schedule. Monday is my hubby's day. To be nice, I cleaned the kitchen real well before I made dinner. He said something about not wanting me to hold it over his head that I had done that on his kitchen night. I wasn't trying to have something to hold over his head. All I wanted to do was be nice. He works hard in a shop all day. I work from home. I thought if I cleaned for him it would give him a chance to relax and not have to worry about anything after work. His reaction made me feel